The Secret Baby, the Runaway Bride and the Romance Novelist that Loves Them

cross posted on www.themodernmythmakers.com

So, I got involved in a book this morning and forgot the time of day. This is not all that unusual. I love books and I often get involved in them and forget to pay attention to what is around me. What disturbs me the most is that it wasn’t even that good of a book. It just had a plot that gets me every time. Every. Single. Time.

It was a Secret Baby book. Yes, you heard me. A Secret Baby Book. I love Secret Baby books and I’m not alone. There are thousands of us. Maybe even millions of us Secret Baby lovers out there. I should be ashamed. I know this, but I’m not. The Secret Baby works.

What is the Secret Baby plot? Here’s the plot in a nutshell. Woman and man have an affair/short term marriage. Woman gets pregnant. Woman or man leaves. Woman does not tell man that she is pregnant and has the baby alone. Some indeterminate time later, man finds out woman has had his child. Chaos ensues. There are variations on this plot (usually involving siblings of the Secret Baby parents), but in general that is how it always starts.

This seems formulaic. It seems contrived, but romance readers (like me) are instantly drawn into the story. The Secret Baby involves a child. It’s a cheap trick but almost everyone loves a baby or a cute kid and almost everyone would agree that a child changes your life instantly. (Finding out that you are the parent of a rebellious adolescent can also be a big life change.) A character that in the past has only worried about themselves is now forced to consider another person – a person that is almost completely dependent on them. The Secret Baby provides an impetus for a character to change. As an added bonus, when the hero and heroine of the book are the Secret Baby’s biological parents, there is the past relationship that didn’t work to add intensity to the story.. The hero and heroine must overcome their shared past before finding their happily ever after. The Secret Baby is one way to add tension to the story and keep the pages of a book turning.

There are several “formulaic” (I hate that word.) plot devices. The Secret Baby. The Runaway Bride. The Reunion. The Takeover. The Vengeful Hero. The list goes on. Most have existed in one form or the other since people began telling stories and they continue to exist because they work. They are part of the tool kit that a romance writer can mix and match to craft his or her story. It is up to the writer to use them in an original and unique way.

What if the Glass Slipper doesn’t fit?

"Wait, Wait." The young servant girl runs down the stairs calling for the grand duke. "I'm here. I want a turn. Let me try on the slipper please."

The duke turns from the door and looks her up and down as reaches the bottom of the stairs. "You'll do." He says and he reaches in his pocket for the slipper. The girl sits and extends an unshod foot. The duke pulls out the slipper and tries to wedge it onto her foot. It doesn't quite fit…..

This is what happened to the Arizona Cardinals on Sunday. They were the Cinderella story. They were the underdog. They were the team that was absolutely not supposed to reach the biggest sporting event of the year, The Super Bowl. While they put up a valiant effort and made a remarkable fourth quarter come back, the still lost. And losing sucks….

Believe me, I know.

Saying that I'm a competitive girl is like saying the Mona Lisa is a masterpiece. It is something that goes without saying. I absolutely, positively loathe losing. I'm not exactly a bad loser. I don't spend my time crying or pitching a temper tantrum instead….I seethe. That's right, I churn, boil, foam, bubble with regret and recriminations. That is what I'm doing now.

If I'm going to lose, I like to know why I lose. What did I do to cause myself to lose? Was it the other team was better than me? The athlete and gamesman in me say that if I know why I lost, I can do better next time. That athlete and that gamesman are going crazy now that I'm in the Friend Zone. I must know what caused this state of affairs…and guess what I'm never going to find out so now I must do the hardest thing that one can do in sports after a bad game.

I must put it out of my mind. That's right. Put it out of my mind and move on to the next game.

Yuck.

Who wants to do that?

Kurt Warner doesn't want to do that. Larry Fitzgerald doesn't want to do that. Anquan Boldin doesn't want to do that. I imagine that none of the rest of the Arizona team wants to do that either. They lost the Super Bowl. They lost the biggest game of the year. They lost the biggest game in that poor, poor franchise's tangled and tumbled history. Yet, as athletes, they know the only game that matters is the next game….even if the next game is in eight months.

So, I think that it is up to me to follow that example. I'll spend the next few months training and slimming down and trying to make myself into a pre-season favorite and the next time that the cannon goes off and the ball is kicked into the air, I'll be ready to go.

Getting Upset

Once upon a time in a land far, far away, there lived a spoiled young prince who liked to play with a golden ball. One day, the prince was playing with the ball when it dropped into a well …..Hmmm ….Something is wrong about this story.

Blog readers, I have bad news. I think it is safe to say that my game is over and I've been officially relegated to the friend zone. I don't really like being here, but I suppose that I'll get over it….eventually. I'm a little annoyed that the boy person decided to run out the clock because I was hoping to pull an upset, but I think that all hope is lost even on that front.

Football and sports novices may assume that an upset is something that gets turned over or what happens when a man does something to annoy a woman. (Something that occurs pretty often enough from what I've observed.) But no….an upset is different than that. An upset is when a team that isn't expected to win, wins.

An upset is Lyle Lovett marrying Julia Roberts. An upset is Beauty and the Beast. An upset is the story of the Frog Prince.

Does anyone notice anything interesting about my list? Come on, ladies and gents you can do it. You can tell me what those three things have in common.

A beautiful woman falls for a man that is less than attractive.

Seriously, have you guys ever wondered why there isn't a story called The Frog Princess or The Ugly Stepsister and The Prince? Perhaps I'm the only one.

But, I digress. I was hoping to be the 2007 New York Giants. I was hoping to be the 10-6 wild-card team that came into the 2008 Super Bowl and beat the 16-0 team with less than a minute left on the clock. It was the upset of the century. Clearly, since I am in the friend zone, I am not the 2007 Giants.

Hmmm….Considering that there is no story called the Frog Princess or The Ugly Stepsister and The Prince, perhaps I should shoot for being the heavy favorite instead????

Taking a Poll

So my last three blog posts have been very different than my previous posts and I’m really liking the direction that these posts are going. If this new voice that I seem to have found is the result of my most recent and possibly unsuccessful foray into the dating world, I think I will take it. But I want to hear from you. Do you want to read more of the sports and dating blogs? I have ideas for at least five more and I plan to post them once a week. Please comment and tell me what you think.

Throwing a Hail Mary Pass

Welcome Sports Fans to the island of romantic hopelessness. You will be happy to learn that this blogger is not the only resident on that island. That's right. There are others here waiting for the Valentine's Day fairy to pick us up and put us in his sleigh and take us to…..Wait….wrong story.

Seriously, with my recent relocation to the friend zone instead of the end zone, I have had the opportunity to observe a friend of mine in romantic distress and on Friday, she threw what could only be called a Hail Mary pass. For those of you that are uninitiated in the world of football, a Hail Mary pass is a pass that is thrown near the end of the game that doesn't have a prayer of being caught, but if it is caught, it will win the game for the team that is on offense. The key word here is if.

Capital I. Capital F. IF……

A Hail Mary is a desperation play and my friend viewed herself as desperate. I don't think she was. In fact, had I been in her shoes, I would have gone for the field goal and tried for overtime.

But not my friend.

My friend went for the win. My friend went for the big time score. My friend sent the object of her possibly unrequited affection an email that could very well scare the life out of him.

When she told us about the email on Friday, I nearly fainted. You see, my friend is not the Hail Mary type of girl. My friend runs a very sensible offense usually, a mix of running plays and short passes. She relies on her good looks and bubbly personality to get her results. In the past, that offense has worked well. Maybe a little too well in some cases.

Through the first three quarters of my friend's game, the object of her affection was winning, but she'd turned things around and was beginning to make progress and there was a lot of time left on the clock. Granted it would be really easy for him to burn up the clock if the ball went back into his hands. So my friend went for the big play and sent the email that may scare him or it may not.

As of the writing of this blog, I do not know how my friend's game turned out, but I would like to steal from the Bud Light commercials and say….

Here's to you brave email sending girl who has been receiving mixed messages…… I hope your receiver catches the pass in the end zone.

Kalayna is running a contest

For those of you who may not know, one of my critique partners has just published her first book. Woohoo! Since she has published her first book, she is also running her first contest.

Click here to enter

Sounds easy enough to enter.

The Friend Zone

Attention riders on the monorail of love. The next stop on our excursion is The Friend Zone.

Yes, gentle blog readers, I have entered the dreaded Friend Zone. This is not to be confused with the end zone where people go when they score (so to speak). The Friend Zone is where people go when they don’t score. The Friend Zone is a place that you do not want to be. The Friend Zone is where unrequited affection meets friendship.

You see, I’m intimately familiar with the Friend Zone. I have spent interminable years there, but that is another story for another day. Suffice it to say that I gave up the Friend Zone a few years ago when I gave up dating.

I was content with my no-man’s land of a life and I thought everything was going swimmingly. Then, I met my “distraction.” That’s right. I’m talking about the same “distraction” from last week. At the time I wrote the last blog, I thought that things were going well…that I was moving the ball slowly to the end zone.

I thought that at the very least, I’d crossed the 50 yard line and was in the opponent’s territory . I was expecting a cursory defense, but apparently I was wrong.

First and 10.

There were signs. You know the ones I mean. I suggest seeing him again and he sort of shies away from committing himself. “I’m going to watch the football game next Saturday” he says. He knows that I like football. He says hello on his own later in the week, but it’s the friendly, non-personal type of hello. I was about to listen to the Clemson basketball game and told him as much so I was ok with the conversation ending a little early, but still a little confused.

The running back is hit behind the line of scrimmage.

Second and 13

Next night, I see him online and I say hello. We talk a little while about more generic stuff. He’s online paying his taxes. I give broad hints about the weekend, but nothing. Then, he says he’s going to bed. It is barely 10pm.

Incomplete pass.

Third down and 13 yards to go.

The alarm bells are going off in full force at this point. I don’t hear from him for two days and then, I’m watching the football game on Saturday and I see that he’s on myspace so I send him some nonsensical comment about the game. (Yes, I know, I’m escorting myself to the friend zone with that one, but I had to do something. Let’s call it a trick play.) We talk back and forth and eventually, I ask him if he wants to come over tomorrow. “I’m cooking.” I say. He says “No, he has to work.” We talk a little while longer, but there is no mention of seeing each other again. I go hang out with a friend and then send him a teasing message later about something he’d talked about earlier. He responds with what I hope was a good sense of humor.

Screen pass for a gain of 10 yards.

Fourth and 3 yards to go.

So, I guess I’m punting to him at this point. If he’d given me any hint that he was interested, I’d try a trick play and go for it, but his defense has been stout so I’m not even going to try. It seems that putting the ball in his hands is the only option. He can decide if he wants to go to the end zone or the Friend Zone.

But, unfortunately for me…..the signs are pointing to the Friend Zone.

Distractions

I’m going to blog about distractions today. Specifically, a 5’11, brown-haired, brown-eyed, extremely cute, makes-me-feel-petite, boy-shaped distraction. This particular distraction is draining all my creative juices into the pool of rampant speculation about what he thinks about me.

This is EXTREMELY different to a girl that has successfully avoided “distractions” for four years.

I’m a romance writer….you would think that a romance writer would believe in romance and happily ever after. You would be wrong. See, I believe in love and lust and affection and compassion and all those other things that come with relationships. I just don’t believe that it happens the way that it happens in a romance novel and well, that is healthy. Romance novels sell fantasy. They sell a world that doesn’t exist. They sell hope that Prince Charming is going to sweep you off your feet and save you. Listen to me right now, you have to save yourself. Years of living and observation have proved this to be true. Hard times happen. Marriages and relationships break up. People die. That is reality and that reality makes the fantasy just that much more valuable to us as writers and as readers.

Happily ever after is relative. I’ve always figured that my happily ever after involved me and my gay best friend and an RV travelling across the country in our old age.

Travelling in an RV still might be my future, but the waters begin to be muddied when you date and dating was something that I’d all but stopped doing. After a series of bad first dates, I stepped off the dating train four years ago with no regrets.

Then, it happened as it always happens. A friend says “I have someone that you should meet.” You reluctantly agree. At least, I did and I was pleasantly surprised to see that he had more going for him than his personality if you know what I mean. It took a little while, but eventually he asked me out and I agreed.

That was my first mistake.

You see, for me, dating is like a roller coaster. You get on the ride and it starts moving, climbing the hill, slowly. You start looking over the side, anywhere but in front of you, where you can see the summit of the hill looming. You start having regrets and thinking if you could get off of this roller coaster, you would. You get to the top of the hill and then WHOOSH and a thrill runs through you, but each time you crest a hill or get ready to turn upside down, you have moments of doubt and insecurity.

That is what dating is to me and it is very, very distracting. The time that I would normally spend on my characters and plot have been spent in moments of doubt and insecurity. Does he like me back? He said I was interesting. What does that mean? He’s not talking to me as much as he was last week. Then, I hang out with him, we talk, cuddle, and kiss and the thrill starts again.

I know, I know. I am crazy, but I like roller coasters in the same way that I like romance novels. The roller coaster is the romance novel. It is the fantasy. It is the chance that something good could happen. It is the chance that you could fall off the coaster and die. The major difference between the roller coaster and the romance novel is that in a romance novel, you know that the main characters are going to get a happily ever after. But even with a roller coaster, you know that the ride will end happily, with the riders getting off safely and going to buy their commemorative photos.

With this particular roller coaster, I don’t know when or if this ride is going to end, but for now, I’m having a good time. I don’t know if this will change my vision of happily ever after or if this is just a bump in the road. I do know that this time with my “distraction” has reminded how much I like riding the roller coaster and made me think that even if I don’t stay on this particular ride, I might try another one later.

Now, if only I could figure out how to balance my “distraction” and my writing.

25 Things....

Ok, I was inspired by my friend Elliot to do this...

1. I love MASH…I mean I really love MASH. I own all 11 seasons and I watch them over and over again. I can quote along with the dialogue on some of my favorite episodes.
2. I’m planning to run a 5K in February which is amazing. This time last year, I could barely walk 3 miles without being winded. Now, I’m planning to run 3.2 miles all the way through without stopping.
3. My house is full of unfinished craft projects.
4. My genuine love of sports became obsessive when I discovered I could use it as a defense mechanism against shopping.
5. I have a ton of plots and characters floating around in my head….and sometimes the characters talk to me and say “Write me…you must write me.”
6. Despite the above statement, I’m a terrible writer 90% of the time. If it weren’t for the other 10% of the time, I would quit.
7. I learned to knit back in March and now I rarely leave the house without having a knitting project in my bag.
8. I like having friends over to my house…..and I like knowing that my friends do not care if my house is in perfect condition every time they visit.
9. I told my mother that she couldn’t have a key to my house.
10. I get annoyed when people are really late.
11. I dislike the uncertainty of dating.
12. I dislike uncertainty….altogether.
13. There is something really freeing about trying something new.
14. Most of the time, I like my job.
15. I don’t believe in fairy tales.
16. You make your life. It isn’t handed to you.
17. Choices have consequences. Make sure that you can live with the consequences before you make the choice.
18. Weight Watchers works.
19. I want to go back to Flagstaff one day soon….and Paris…and Switzerland.
20. If I won the lottery, I would quit my job and spend a year traveling.
21. If I could go back to college and be 18 again, I would get a degree in history.
22. I want to learn to play the guitar.
23. When I run, I sing Angels Watching Over Me, Traveling Soldier, and The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia in my head over and over and over again. They are the only three songs that I know all the words to without hearing the music.
24. I don’t like making conversation when I’m running.
25. I ran a whole mile for the first time since I was 18 years old last night.

Goals for 2009

I love making New Year's resolutions. It is like making a list that you can check off at the end of the year. I may build an excel spreadsheet this year, but I haven't decided. I am pleased to say that last year I accomplished four of the six resolutions that I set up for myself. That is success to me…I don't stress out about accomplishing everything on the list.

So without further ado……

1. Finish my current WIP. I'm writing a really awesome story and it deserves to be finished. Mackenzie and Seth are marvelous characters and they have definite chemistry
   

   
    

2. Re-write my current WIP. Despite the wonderful story and mythology that I've created, there are some definite issues.
   

   
    

3. Write at least one more book this year. I think I want to write my football player story. He has no name yet and neither does the love interest, but I'm sure I will figure something out.
   

   
    

4. Submit to an agent or editor. The Moonlight and Magnolias conference is next October. My goal is to have The Deepest Cut, edited and ready to submit.
   

   
    

5. Run a 5K. I'm currently scheduled to run a 5K in Myrtle Beach in February. Training hard now.
   

   
    

6. Learn something new. Last year, I learned to knit. I'm now doing all kinds of fun things. So I'm not going to be specific here.
   

   
    

That concludes the resolutions for 2009. I may post progress reports from time to time.